The Old Storyteller

The beginning to a story idea I had a while ago. It's basically about an old man who tells stories of hope to street children. A night guard finds this out and repremands the man after his story and the kids are asleep, telling him to stop giving them false hope with stories that never were. The man simply responds, "Who says they never were?" with a slight grin and leaves the guard standing there.

"It was a quiet evening as I walked down the stone streets. The flickering lights of lanterns could be seen through slightly open windows. I could see the sun cast its last shadows as it began to sink behind the hills. I rounded a corner and a man bumped into me, he muttered a sorry and continued on his way, it was usually not a good thing to be out past dark, especially with the tales of robbers recently. I could see a small person’s shadow in the distance. He darted down a narrow alleyway. Being a night guard, I followed, wondering what a child was doing out this time of night. As I exited the alleyway I could see more children walking quickly down towards the less populated side of town. My curiosity aroused, I followed silently behind them. I managed to see one of the children in the light. He had tattered and torn clothing, and shoes that were falling apart, street children. They didn’t usually travel much at night, but I continued to see two or three at a time run down the dark passageways. I followed them for a while longer and slowed to a stop as the alley began to light up. I took a careful glance around the corner towards the light. I could see in the dim lantern light about twenty or more children gathered around an old man, who was sitting there in his rocker, eyes closed. I stayed out of sight and listened closely. I could hear the children whispering to one another, “Should we go ask him?” “Will he tell us one tonight?” “Is he really sleeping?” I sat down on the ground and leaned my back against the wall, still out of sight. The man stopped rocking and smiled slightly. He opened his eyes and looked around him, a fake look of shock on his face, “You’re still coming back? I thought I was just a boring old man!” The kids replied with varied replies of “No!” “We wouldn’t think that Mr. Gregor!” “Don’t make us go away, please!” The man smiled broadly and chuckled, “Alright, alright, give me a minute to think.” He put his hand to his chin and closed his eyes. He then proceeded to snore slightly. The children began to ask if he was asleep again when he opened his eyes, a sparkle in them, “Our story begins in a far away land, where the land had not yet been tainted by wars.” The children looked at each other excitedly and tried to get as comfortable as they could on the stony ground. It was strange the change that came over the man, before he looked bent and frail, now, he sat much taller, seeming to reverse age itself as he stared off into space, seeming to look into the past itself. “Back when the world was at peace, there lived a quiet farmer, as that was what most of the people did in that time. Every day he would go out to his fields, tend his crops, then at the end of the day, and watch the sun set behind the hills. Everyday the same thing, wake up, work, sleep. But restlessness grew in him, for even though he was a quiet man, he was not content to do the same thing day after day, he wanted something new.” I thought to myself, “An interesting beginning, maybe this might be a good story after all.” I settled back against the wall and listened to the rest of the story. "

Is it going to be in paragraphs? Excellent so far, though. I found a few small things that might be changed, for example:

The kids replied with varied replies of “No!”

Seems a bit redundant.

that was actually unedited, I havent even taken the time to edit it yet, like almost all of my stories, lol. Thanks for the advice though!

cool story bro

Taylor wrote:cool story bro

i lol'd

Skate6566 wrote:

Taylor wrote:cool story bro

i lol'd

I did too xDD

I think it's awesome David. You have a wonderful gift of writing. There is no way I could write something like that. If this were to be made into a book, I would read it, no doubt in my mind.

w00t! davids writing new stories again