Bah-->Friends Problems, Well, Sorta.

Mkay.
I went on a retreat this past weekend, I was invited by a mother to go because she thought I was a good influence on her daughter. So I agreed to go. Now, her daughter, has no friends, and is an outcast. I was friends with her in elementary school, but she hasnt grown up since then like, 4th grade, so she's nearly impossible to deal with, shes incrediably sensitive. So shes basically a 'pity friend' of mine, Im 'friends' with her only because she has no other friends, and she considers me her best friend. Now, going on this retreat I was excited because some of my long lost friends from elementary school who I was very tight with then.

On the ride down [6 hours] I hung out with Kara [the pity friend] and kept her company, and also for all of Friday night I hung out with her so she wouldnt be lonely. Friday night she fell asleep really quicky, which allowed me to 'bond' with the other girls again. Saturday morning I went with the other girls to go get ready ect. and then I sat with them for breakfast and all that. I figured Kara was ok because she hadnt said anything to me about her wanting me to hang out with her and she had found some other people to hang out with. Saturday night she decided to switch cabins because ours was 'to cold' [it was set 75 degrees...it wasnt to cold]. Sunday morning I hung out with the other girls again and then I rode in the back with them home.

I thought Kara was okay until I got this email...
'Dear Daphne,
about this past weekend, i feel like i'm mad at you....it's just that i felt
left out of everything that we were suppose to be doing. You went to go and hang
out with Amanda, Lauren, Sam and Liz and i felt like i was being pushed aside.
The reason why i brought you to the trip was for you to hang out with me but
that didn't seem like it happened. It felt like i was being ignored. We hardly
hung out at all. and the only reason i went with Kacy up to the cabin was
because i felt left out and you weren't talking to me. So thats why i went up
with her. Then on Sunday when you went to sit with them on the breakfast table
then in the van that mad me even worse. I felt as though you weren't my friend
anymore. I just felt like pushed aside. Thats why on the ride to my house and
when you left i didn't see good-bye cuz thats how i felt.

Sam told me that you and lauren both said i was very boring and not good to
hang out with. Thats Not True! Whenever you come over i always ask you what you
want to do. All you say is "i don't care" or "Whatever" so i end up picking wat
we are to do. How is that boring? it seems like your the one who is making me
boring........plus whenever you come over or even Lauren comes over all you guys
ever want to do is hang out with Sam that also makes me very mad.

I'm sorry for wat ever i did, but i don't believe i did anything.
Please write back.
~Kara'


What do I say!?!?!

I really dont get along with this girl at all, I get along with her sister better [Sam]. I dont want to lie to her, but really in all truth I cant stand her, she insane and cant stand being left alone by herself for 2 minutes.

Any suggestions?


pea.ess. sorry this is so long =P

Just say something like this:

Dear Kara,
I am really sorry that you felt left out. I wasnt trying to make you feel that way. I saw you hanging out with other girls and you looked like you were having fun and I didnt want to mess up you making new friends. Its good to make new friends. I didnt want to mess that up for you or me.


Thats all I can think of. Mybe you can also say something like, 'aybe its just not good for us to be friends.'or 'Maybe we werent ment to be the good friends that you think we are.' or 'I know some girls who would love to meet you. Would you like to meet them this saturday at the movies for a girls night out?' Jsut something like that. Maybe some of your other friends will get along with her. That way you can hang out with Sam and she will have someone else to hang out with. Someone who gets along wiht her.

Hope I helped. And that wasnt long. But I like to help people. =]

Thankies.
Yeah.
Ill talk to meh mom about it too.
She knows the problems I have w/her..
Shes just hard to deal with.

I agree Brittney(i think is her name) that you should say something like that. Plus, you might explain that you would like to hang out with all your other friends too. Maybe you could help her sort of "grow up." You might like go to the mall with her and help her pick out "in" clothes. or something like that. My sister is EXTREMELY sensitive so i know what you mean. But if you cant stand her, gradually break away from her. Sort of talk to her less and less unless she wont let that happen. Hook her up with some friends, THEN let her go.

Hope this helps!
Jackie

Yes my name is Brittany!

Yeah, I like What Jackie said too.
It makes sense.

But yeah, talk to your mom, she will have better advice I bet.

lol...i bet she would...i havent had a problem like this since i was like 8 and im almost 13 now so im a little outta wack on that. lol

I sort of had the same problem on my retreat! lol
My mom was forced to pick up this other girl (who's a senior by the way) for us to both go on this christian retreat, and my sister knew her briefly...and doesn't have many friends. So she's like, painfully shy and she seems sensitive too...but I didn't really become 'friends' with her, I just sort of had to talk to her during the retreat a couple of times. Good thing she had a few friends there lol.

but I know what those people are like. Try to break away from her slowly, like Jackie said. Tell her maybe you're really busy and don't have much time to email or be on myspace, if she still wants to talk to you all the time. Being busy is a great way to get out of stuff. As to what happened at the winter retreat, well Brittany's and your Mom's advice will most likely work.

Good luck, duck.